“Don’t be afraid of the future after someone dies!”

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Diana

“It was my mother who received a call from the hospital. My brother Isaac had tried to hurt himself. My brother had attempted to kill himself. We wanted to scream, the pain we felt was the worst thing ever, and we kept asking ourselves why. Why didn’t he come straight to us? He knew he could receive support from us, but I think his pain was so great that the only option was to end his own life. He was in a coma for four days. We neither could eat or sleep. We basically were terrified of leaving his side.
It was comforting to see so many people who cared about him at his funeral. We are a small family here in Oslo, so my mother decided she needed to travel to Peru to be with her own family members. We traveled together, and those months in Peru helped us enormously. Even though we traveled from one country to another my brother was in our thoughts the whole time. When we returned from Peru, we received a new shock: my father left us. My mother and I decided to get professional help to deal with the traumas. We received help from a group for grieving families: Fransiskushjelpen. It helped us to meet people who were in the same situation, and it gave us a different perspective, because despite everything we wanted to carry on with our lives.
Luckily our first Christmas was spent in Spain. It was then we started to ask ourselves “What do we really want for Christmas?” Before we gave one another wish lists, but we had reached a point where it was far more important to focus on having the family together. The family I no longer have. Christmas time brings memorable moments, especially of my brother Isaac.
My wish for Christmas this year and in the coming years is for families who have lost their loved ones; don’t be afraid of the future. I know you have lost a loved one which you miss deeply, and that pain is intensified during christmas and heart breaking. But remember – they are still in our hearts.
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– Det var min mor som ble oppringt fra Haukeland sykehus. Min bror Isaac hadde skadet seg selv. Det min bror gjorde, var helt uvirkelig: Han prøvde å ta sitt liv. Vi ville bare skrike, vi følte smerte på det verste, og vi spurte oss selv gang på gang: hvorfor? Hvorfor kom han ikke til oss? Han visste at vi kunne hjelpe ham, men jeg tror at smerten hans var såpass stor at det eneste han kunne tenke på, var å få slutt på lidelsen. For meg var han en ordentlig gladgutt som var sulten på livet. Han lå i koma i fire dager. Vi kunne ikke sove, vi kunne ikke spise, vi turte rett og slett ikke forlate hans side.
Det var en stor trøst å se så mange mennesker som kom i begravelsen, om han bare hadde sett hvor mange som brydde seg om ham. Vi er en liten familie her i Oslo, men min mor trengte sin familie, så vi reiste til Peru. Det har hjulpet oss enormt. Selv om vi var bortreist, var min bror alltid i våre tanker. Men da vi kom tilbake, fikk vi et nytt nederlag, faren min forlot oss. Vi bestemte oss for å gjøre noe med situasjonen vår og fikk bistand av psykolog og en sorggruppe via Fransiskushjelpen. Å møte mennesker som er i samme situasjon har fått oss til å se livet fra et annet perspektiv, for vi ville gå videre med livet vårt.
Heldigvis fikk vi en invitasjon til å feire jul i Spania. Da begynte vi å tenke «hva er det vi egentlig ønsker oss til jul?». Før ga vi hverandre ønskelister, men vi har nådd et punkt der det er mye mer viktigere å ha familien samlet. Familien som jeg ikke har lenger. Julen bringer frem mange gode minner, spesielt om min bror Isaac. Mitt ønske til jul i år og fremover er for familier som har mistet sine kjære; ikke frykt for hva som vil komme i fremtiden. Jeg vet at deres kjære er dypt savnet, og det er så tydelig på julaften at det er hjerteskjærende. Men de er fortsatt i våre hjerter.
Diana

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